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Poetry, writing and music on Spirituality

owens — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 01:11:12 CST

Desiderata

by Max Ehrmann

Copyright © 1927, 1954 Max Ehrmann. All Rights Reserved.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly and listen to others,
even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.
You have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive God to be;
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Gift from the Sea
by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

In its time, Gift From The Sea remained on the N.Y. Times best-seller list for 80 weeks (1 year 6 months)...

The book has been described as " . . . a spiritual compass guiding us toward inner tranquility in the face of life’s deeper questions."

(She begins...)

"I began these pages for myself, in order to think out my own particular pattern of living, my own individual balance of life, work and human relationships. And since I think best with a pencil in my hand, I started naturally to write...

The Beach

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach -- waiting for a gift from the sea.

Channeled Whelk

But his shell -- it is simple; it is bare, it is beautiful. Small, only the size of my thumb, its architecture is perfect, down to the finest detail. Its shape, swelling like a pear in the center, winds in a gentle spiral to the pointed apex. Its color, dull gold, is whitened by a wash of salt from the sea. Each whorl, each faint knob, each criss-cross vein in its egg-shell texture, is as clearly defined as on the day of creation. My eye follows with delight the outer circumference of that diminutive winding staircase up which this tenant used to travel.

My shell is not like this, I think.

How untidy it has become! Blurred with moss, knobby with barnacles, its shape is hardly recognizable any more. Surely, it had a shape once. It has a shape still in my mind. What is the shape of my life?

I am seeking perhaps what Socrates asked for in the prayer from the Phaedrus when he said,

‘May the outward and inward [hu]man be at one.’

...I have learned by some experience, by many examples, and by writings of countless others before me, also occupied in the search, that:

certain environments,
certain modes of life,
certain rules of conduct are more conducive to inner and outer harmony than others.

There are, in fact, certain roads that one may follow.

Simplification of life is one of them."

- A.M.L.

WHAT IS THIS SITE ABOUT?

owens — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 08:36:39 CST

FAQs: Frequently Asked Questions (and answers)

Q: What on EARTH are you talking about? And why?
A: Keep reading….
Q: What is this?
A: It is a Wiki… actually more of a wikiblog.
Q: But what is a ‘Wiki’?
A: (From Wikipedia)

A definition of ‘Wiki’ is:

A Wiki (WICK-ee or WEE-kee) is a website that allows the visitors themselves to easily add, remove, and otherwise edit and change some available content, sometimes without the need for registration. This ease of interaction and operation makes a wiki an effective tool for mass collaborative authoring.

Q: And a blog?
A: A Blog is a type of website, and refers to any number of types of authored regular installments on a particular subject or subjects. Like a journal.

Q: Then a “wikiblog” is …?
A: A combination of the 2 – a collaborative website on a particular theme (like cametobelieve is about recovery and its spiritual aspects). It encourages readers to contribute in any media they choose. Wetpaint was chosen as the host because of ease of use. It’s simple to ramp up and start adding.

To begin with, a dedication quote from c2.com/cgi/wiki (WikiWiki - the mother of all us little Wikis) which explains it all...
"I think there's something more,
but it requires a little excursion from a usual Cartesian worldview to get at.
Start with the LaoTse premise
that self and other are just two ends of an abstraction -
no more magical than left and right
or after and before.
By combining these abstractions
we construe ourselves with respect to the actors and drama of our memories; we make a little story within which to understand what's happening,
and we are motivated by the dramatic forces within this story.”
WikiWiki

This thing we create is ours, spiritual and artistic in nature, grounded in truth and beauty for the common good.

cametobelieve.wetpaint.com

owens — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 15:19:22 CST

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

< Click here to play and feed the hungry

40 billion grains of rice
Visitors to FreeRice peaked last year at around 500,000 visits a day and the site is still regularly used by around 40,000 people daily.
Over the ten months since its launch, it has generated more than 40 billion grains of rice in donations to the World Food Programme
of the United Nations – enough to feed more than 2 million people for a day.
So far, donations generated by the FreeRice site have been sent to feed hungry people in Bangladesh,
Uganda, Nepal and – most recently – Burma (known as Myanmar), where hundreds of thousands of people were left homeless
when Cyclone Nargis struck May 2, 2008.

< Light a Candle for Peace!

___________________________________________________________________

This "Wikiblog" is meant to be a place of creative collaboration, a place to share:

wisdom from the rooms
realizations,
interpretations,
methods,
dreams,
step discoveries
prayers,
prayers answered,
principles,
promises,
affirmations
pictures, poems, and sayings

the spirit of Alcoholics Anonymous in various and sundry ways.

Links and quotes:

Need to Find a Meeting?

A great page with lots of info and links

AA Primary Purpose site

AA Speakers Free MP3s of our AA speakers!

Still more of our speakers... More free AA speaker MP3s!

Reflections and all the other Daily Readings (or most of them!)

It's All In the Journey - great magazine! www.itsallinthejourney.com

Authors of the Big Book stories Whatever happened to them? Good read!

The Grapevine

A Very Easy to Use OnLine Meeting

12 Step Radio - awesome!

Online Men's Group

sobercasts

Dick B.'s site (amazing amount of information!)

Light a candle ~ please~!

http://www.onlinealano.org/

Interesting compilation of spiritual writers/texts

Thich Nhat Hanh writings

Lifetime Experiment

Daily OM If you like meditative music you might want to join

Men's Step Application Group Very dedicated sober men of God (my words not theirs)

An Irish Friend of Bill W.: 20 Years of experience with Steps , cogent, insightful - lovely - a great site

Karen Casey's website Heard this woman speak and met her at San Jose roundup this past weekend -
Awesome speaker and inspired writer!

Recovery Resources

Recovery Music and Musicians

Principles of the 12 Steps

owens — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 15:17:23 CST

*Step*	*What Is This Step?*	What Is The Principle Behind This Step? (to practice these principles in all our affairs)
1	We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.	Honesty
2	Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.	Hope
3	Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.	Faith
4	Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.	Courage
5	Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.	Integrity
6	Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.	Willingness
7	Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.	Humility
8	Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.	Brotherly Love
9	Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.	Justice
10	Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.	Perseverance
11	Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.	Spirituality
12	Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.	Service

Interesting statistics about AA

owens — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 11:32:28 CDT

This information comes directly from AA -

Estimates of A.A. Groups and Members

Because A.A. has never attempted to keep formal membership lists, it is extremely difficult to obtain completely accurate figures on total membership at any given time. Some local groups are not listed with the U.S./Canada General Service Office. Others do not provide membership data, thus are not recorded on the G.S.O. computer records. The membership figures listed below are based on reports to the General Service Office as of January 1, 2007, plus an average allowance for groups that have not reported their membership.
There is no practical way of counting members who are not affiliated with a local group.

Estimated A.A. Membership and Group Information
Groups in U.S.	55,244
Members in U.S	1,248,394
Groups in Canada	4,849
Members in Canada	93,986
Groups Overseas	55,092
Members Overseas	702,510
Internationalists	36
Groups in Correctional Facilities (U.S./Canada)	1,585
Members in Correctional Facilities	39,964
Lone Members	235
Total Members:	2,085,125
Total Groups:	116,773

INTERNATIONALISTS (SEAGOING A.A.s)
Approximately 36 persons in naval service or the merchant marine on sea duty describe themselves as "A.A. Internationalists." General Service Office staff members correspond with these members and make it possible for them to correspond with each other. Internationalists have been responsible for starting and encouraging local A.A. groups in many ports.
LONERS
Some 235 men and women living in isolated areas throughout the world (or in areas where it has not been possible to form a local group) are listed at the General Service Office as Lone Members. Many achieved sobriety solely through study of A.A. literature. They correspond with G.S.O. and with their counterparts in other sections of the world. In a number of cases, notably U.S. military installations overseas, Loners have been responsible for establishing local groups.

Do Good, do good, do good

owens — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 09:29:12 CDT

(notes from a talk by Judith Ragir, Zen priest)

You need only make a few degree shift in your direction, and
over the years that few degrees becomes a big arc of change.
And so it has been for me.
My life has always been complicated as all our lives are.
My spiritual life has not been altogether easy or clear.

This is about taking what appears to be a conventional life
and opening it up radically as the Path.
The ordinary and the profound will meet
in the present moment – the intersection of time and space.

Thoughts (the way we think – fabrications of the mind)
make our emotions and reality.

The mind is wonderful and it is hell.
It is creative – what makes us humans over animals.
It can also be hell - untrained, non stopping, on and on,
circular, even when we have resolved an issue it goes on
to next thing to chatter about. (Some might know this from meditation.)

Learn how to place the mind.
Placing in present moment – mostly the moment.
Placing mind on the dharma. (Dharma, not Karma)

Goal: no discursive thought, just merge with what we are doing.
Very simply. Live in the present moment.
(Walking meditation). Though this sounds appealing, it is not easy to do.
Why can’t we live in present moment?

What stimulates thought so much that we live in future and past
in delusion or illusion or fantasy that our mind is creating?

It is because of the storyline of our life.
A storyline demands a linear state of mind. It must go from one thing to another to...
The weighty burden of past – the things I lost, pushing away things I hate or don’t like,
ignoring things – addictions spring from this.
What makes suffering? Suffering comes out of misperception of what reality is.

The Mind’s Storyline is not reality. Desires are not reality- suffering, pleasures. Living life from this desire basis, suffering is produced: anxiety, dissatisfaction, nothing is ever enough, always slightly dissatisfied. Ignorance is misperception of reality.

The three marks of misperceived existence are:

*1. Life coming from egocentric perception thus has suffering*.	There is suffering. But if you misperceive, you just work on level of what you need and what you hate – this life is about me and my desires. Dukka – you will experience life as painful with desires.
*2. Resistance to Change (Everything is impermanent or changing)*	Everything Is changing – quantum physics – inside the smallest particle is nothing – really only space, energy, movement. Only IT (Higher Power) is permanent.
3. Me Me Me; I, I, I. (The Truth is - There is no “I”.)	We have this self. But there is no separate (centralized) self. A group of monks meditated and meditated and got to a point where they could not sense an “I” – Meditation proved they could not find an “I” – It blew their minds that there was no “I”. “I”s are an illusion of the ego’s construct. When I act as if there is no “I” then I open up and my perception changes. Instead of “This is what I want, I hate that person, I want to play God,” letting go of my life, letting God work through me. In order to let go I have to trust. What do you trust in? Nihilistically, existentially there isn’t much to trust. The Program is not Nihilistic existentialism; The Program is altruistic, Optimistic, concerned about God and all, being a creative transformer, not just another “I” concerned only about “me.”

Karma or cause and effect can yield trust.

Wisdom correctly used is that ability to judge what is harmful, what is helpful .
(Wisdom is Truth tempered by love.)
Clarity comes from sitting in meditation. The more I sit the more I am in touch.
Karma – the more you do it the stronger it gets. The stronger it gets the more you do it.
Habituated patterns that produce suffering. (Law of Addiction) What you put out is what you get back.

Do good. Do good. Do good.
Deeply believe it will manifest in the universe as positive energy.
(If I practice a tiny bit of good it will help me and the world.)

The real reality is in peace and harmony. In a Universal view – we see the Earth as mysterious, peaceful, working in peace and harmony. Or in microcosm go inside the body and see the mystery of perfection.
And it has nothing to do with discursive thought! Everything is working exactly as it should.

Insanity – Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results (pop psychology).

Sanity - Acknowledge pleasure, pain, success, failure, likes and dislikes - radically accept them. So the eight worldly winds
are these:

pleasure and pain
gain and loss
success and failure
praise and blame
fame and ill repute.

These are the eight worldly winds that blow through our days and lives. These things MUST be accepted. Recognize these things deeply to know peace.

How Bill W. "got it" - Spiritual Awakening

owens — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 08:34:34 CDT

"My friend promised when these things were done

I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have

the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems.

Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements. Simple, but not easy; a price had to be paid. It meant destruction of self-centeredness. I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all. These were revolutionary and drastic proposals, but

the moment I fully accepted them, the effect was electric.

There was a sense of victory, followed by such a peace and serenity as I had never know. There was utter confidence. I felt lifted up, as though the great clean wind of a mountain top blew through and through."

From Bill's Story, BB 4th edition, p. 8

Do we want the problems?

We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures,
we were a prey to misery and depression,
we couldn't make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness,
we were full of fear,
we were unhappy,
we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people—
was not a basic solution of these bedevilments more important...?

The Big Book, p. 54, 3rd and 2nd and 4th editions

... or do we want the solutions ?
(what practicing the principles of AA promises yields)

We are going to know a new freedom and a new
happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door
on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we
will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self pity will
disappear.

We will lose interest in selfish things and gain
interest in our fellows.

Self-seeking will slip away.

Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will
change.

Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave
us.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations
which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us
what we could not do for ourselves.

The Big Book, pp. 83-84, 3rd, 2nd and 4th editions

All of the Promises of AA from the Founders

owens — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 00:47:57 CDT

The Promises of AA

STEPS ONE THROUGH THREE Big Book Chapter 5

…all sorts of remarkable things followed.

We had a new Employer.
Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well.
Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our own little plans and designs.
More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life.
As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of
His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter.
We were reborn.

STEP TWO Big Book page #25

to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves.

Big Book page #28:

A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works.
Big Book page #46:
We found that God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him.
To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.

Big Book page #47:

As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.
It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.

Big Book page #50:

In the face of collapse and despair, in the face of the total failure of their human resources, they found that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed into them.

Big Book page #55:

Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us.

Big Book page #57:

Even so has God restored us all to our right minds.
But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him.
When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!

STEP THREE
Big Book page #63.

More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life.
As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter.
We were reborn.
an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.

Big Book page #68.

• At once, we commence to outgrow fear.

Big Book page #70.

• We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on the them as sick people.

STEP FOUR:

we are now on a different basis of trusting and relying upon God.
We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves.
We are in the world to play the role He assigns.
Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.
We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator.
We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God.
We never apologize for God.
Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do.
We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be.
At once, we commence to outgrow fear.

STEP FIVE
Big Book page #75:

We have listed and analyzed our resentments.
We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality.
We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness.
We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men,even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people.

Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted.
We can look the world in the eye.
We can be alone at perfect peace and ease.
Our fears fall from us.
We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator.
We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience.
The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly.
We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.

STEP EIGHT AND NINE
Big Book page #78:

If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the result.
Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress…
In nine cases out of ten the unexpected happens.
Sometimes the man we are calling upon admits his own fault, so feuds of years' standing melt away in an hour.
Rarely do we fail to make satisfactory progress.
Our former enemies sometimes praise what we are doing
and wish us well.
Occasionally, they will offer assistance.
It should not matter, however, if someone does throw us out of his office.
We have made our demonstration, done our part.
It's water over the dam.

STEP NINE
Big Book page #83-84:

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.
We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
Self-seeking will slip away.
Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not.
They are being fulfilled among us-sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
They will always materialize if we work for them.

STEP TEN Big Book page #84

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone -even alcohol.
For by this time sanity will have returned.
We will seldom be interested in liquor.
If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.

Big Book page #84-85

We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically.

Big Book page #85

We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it.
We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation.
We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us.
We are neither cocky nor are we afraid.

STEP ELEVEN
Big Book page #86:

We can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use.
Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

Big Book page #87 :

What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind.
Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

Big Book page #87-88 :

We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done."
We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions.
We become much more efficient.
We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

STEP TWELVE Big Book page #89 :

You can help when no one else can.
You can secure their confidence when others fail.
Life will take on new meaning.

Big Book page #100 :

When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands
were better than anything we could have planned.
Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!
Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do.

Big Book page #102 :

God will keep you unharmed.

Twelve Step Slogans we have learned

owens — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 00:47:28 CDT

Easy does it.
First things first.
Live and let live.
But for the grace of God.
Think think think.
One day at time.
Let go and let God.
K.I.S.S.—Keep It Simple Stupid.
Act as if.
This, too, shall pass.
Expect miracles.
I can’t, He can, I think I’ll let Him (Steps 1,2,3).
If it works, don’t fix it.
Keep coming back, it works if you work it.
Stick with the winners.
Keep on trudgin.’
Sobriety is a journey, not a destination.
Faith without works is dead.
Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink.
To thine own self be true.
I came; I came to; I came to believe (Steps 1,2,3).
Live in the NOW.
If God seems far away, who moved?
Turn it over.
A.A. = Altered Attitudes
Nothing is so bad, a drink won’t make it worse.
We are only as sick as our secrets.
There are no coincidences in A.A..
Be part of the solution, not the problem.
Sponsors: have one, use one, be one.
I can’t handle it God; you take over.
Keep an open mind.
It works it really does! (page 88 in the Big Book)
Willingness is the key.
More will be revealed.
You will intuitively know.
You will be amazed.
No pain, no gain.
Go for it.
Keep the plug in the jug.
Do it sober.
Let it begin with me.
Just for today.
Sober ‘n‘ crazy.
Pass it on.
It’s in the book.
You either are or you aren’t.
Before you say I can’t, say I’ll try.
Don’t quit before the miracle happens.
Some of us are sicker than others.
We’re all here because we’re not all there.
Alcoholism is an equal opportunity destroyer.
Practice an attitude of gratitude.
The road to sobriety is a simple journey for confused people with a complicated disease.
Another friend of Bill W.’s.
God is never late….always right on time.
Have a good day, unless of course you have made other plans.
Decisions aren’t forever.
It takes time.
90 meetings in 90 days.
You are not alone.
Where you go, there you are.
Don’t drink, read the Big Book, and go to meetings.
Use the 24-hour plan.
Make use of the telephone therapy.
Stay sober for yourself.
Look for the similarities rather than differences.
Remember your last drunk.
Remember that alcoholism is incurable, progressive, and fatal.
Try not to place conditions on your sobriety.
When all else fails, follow directions.
Count your blessings.
Share your happiness.
Respect the anonymity of others.
Share your pain.
Share your gratitude.

Practical experience shows that NOTHING will so much insure immunity fromdrinking as INTENSIVE work with other alcoholics. Big Book, p89
OUR VERY LIVES, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our CONSTANT thoughtof others and how we may help meet their needs. Big Book, p20
DO THE RIGHT THINGS AND THE RIGHT THINGS WILL HAPPEN
For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could NOT survive the CERTAIN trials and low spots ahead. Big Book, p14
Keep on the firing line of life with these MOTIVES and God WILL, (not might) keepyou unharmed. Big Book, p102
Your MOTIVE is your PROTECTION
Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of MAXIMUM helpfulness to others. Big Book, p102 The good is the enemy of the best. Tradition 2
When ALL other measure failed, work with another alcoholic WOULD save us.Big Book, p15
I would be AMAZINGLY lifted up and set on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going. Big Book, p15
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Surrender to Win
(On holding back) The more you put in, the more you get out
COMPLETELY give yourself to THIS simple programme
Reliance not defiance
I'm not getting into the lifeboat until I know WHY this ship is sinking!
Bludgeoned into Humility by pain and unremitting suffering
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
If you're spinning your wheels, try getting out of the driver's seat
Change is not painful. It is RESISTANCE to change that is painful
Your Higher Power makes your life uncomfortable when its time for you to change
THERE ARE NO DAYS OFF!
It's alcohol-ism, not -wasm.
Great suffering and great love are A.A.'s disciplinarians; we need no others.
Some of us have taken VERY hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job, wife orno wife, we simply do NOT stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon otherpeople (places and things) ahead of dependence on God
If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to KEEP getting what you’re getting
If you do what you always did, you'll get what you always got.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
On Arrogance: You don't know what you don't know
Take the plank out of your own eye before you take the splinter out of someone else's
You can't ******** a ***********
Let go or be dragged
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result
What makes you think it's going to be different THIS time?
Its better to be in AA pretending to be an alcoholic, than to be 'out there', pretending you're not
Isolation is the dark room where we develop our 'negatives'.
Relapse begins long before you pick up the drink/drug.
SLIP: Sobriety loses it's priority.
EVERY time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with US
Pain is necessary, suffering is optional!
If you hang around a barbershop long enough, eventually you'll get a haircut.
Thoughts Become Things...choose the good ones!
You move towards, and become like, that which you think about, whether it is good for you, or bad for you
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thought. With our thoughts, we make our world." ~The Buddha
The more you think about the problem, the bigger the problem gets. The more you think about the solution, the bigger the solution gets.
We don't see things as they are, we see them as WE are
What you 'see' is what you 'get'
I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become
What would it look like WITHOUT the problem?
What do you want?
Stick with the winners: Have they got what you want? Do they look as though they areenjoying their sobriety? What are they like in the traffic? Are they comfortable in their ownskin?
Fake it to make it
Act as if
On negative self talk. If a friend spoke to you, the way YOU, spoke to you, would you hang around with them?
Live in the solution
THE NEWCOMER IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE ROOM
COMPLETELY give themselves to THIS simple program.
Just do what makes you feel COMFORTABLE
We are SURE God wants us to be happy, joyous and free.
EVERY time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with US
Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our CONSTANT thought of others andhow we may help meet their needs
Wise people learn from their own mistakes. Smart people learn from other people’s
The people that matter don’t mind, and the people that mind, don’t matter
Wear life like a loose garment, not like a hair shirt!
It’s a cinch an inch, but it’s hard by the yard
What would be the LOVING thing to do?
Stick with the winners
Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God WILL, (notmight) keep youunharmed
(On choosing Sponsors) Have they got what you want?
Do they look as though they are enjoying their sobriety?
What are they like in the traffic?
Are they comfortable in their own skin?
The good is the enemy of the best
Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of MAXIMUM helpfulness to others
Sick and tired of being sick and tired
Its better to be in AA pretending to be an alcoholic, than to be 'out there', pretending you'renot
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice
(on talking in meetings) In a 'GENERAL' way. Not a blow by blow account!
Just do your lousy best!

Prayers for 12 Step practioners

owens — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 00:46:11 CDT

God

Thank You for another day of sobriety. Please keep me sober again today.

I offer myself to You, to build with me and do with me as You will.
Relieve me of the bondage of self so I can better do Your will.

Lord, take away my difficulties so that victory over them will bear witness
to those I would help of Your love, Your power, Your way of life.
May I do Your will always.

Lord, I am now ready that You should have all of me, good and bad.

Please remove every single character defect from me, which stands

in the way of my usefulness to You and my fellows.

Please direct my thinking. I ask that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest,

and self-seeking motives.

Give me relief from worry, doubt, resentments and self-serving fears.

Take away my ... anger, anguish, resentments, self-pity, dishonesty,

pessimism and despair!

God, grant me the
Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage
to change the things I can, and the
Wisdom
to know the difference.

Lord, grant that I may do Your will as I leave this place.
Only grant me knowledge of Your will and the Power to carry it out.

Meditation for today
(a list of meditations followed by today's editions of each)

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace!

That where there is hatred, I may bring love.

That where there is wrong,
I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.

That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.

That where there is error, I may bring truth.

That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.

That where there is despair, I may bring hope.

That where there are shadows, I may bring light.

That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort,
than to be comforted.

To understand, than to be understood.

To love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.

As I think now about the next 24 hours and consider my plans for today, I ask:

Please show me the way of patience, tolerance, kindliness and love.

Your will not mine be done.

During the course of the day, I ask You:

§ for right thought or action
§ for inspiration
§ for intuitive thought
§ for help with decisions
§ to be shown what the next step is to be
§ for freedom from self will
§ for myself only if others will benefit
§ Always, for knowledge of Your will and the Power to carry it out.
§ When selfishness, resentments, dishonesty or fear pop up
I ask You to remove them at once.
Thank You for another day of sobriety!

The 3 A's: Awareness, Acceptance, and Action

"I never saw a grateful recovering alcoholic get drunk."

As I take in a gentle breath, I feel the presence of God surrounding me.

I imagine myself standing strong in this beautiful presence.

I am capable and qualified to meet any challenge or activity.
I know that with God's loving guidance I can do anything at all.
In my mind's eye, I see myself easily and confidently
Making right decisions, speaking right words, and thinking positive thoughts.
Daily I ask God for these things and they are given to me.

Happy First Birthday!

owens — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:53:35 CDT

Last January I started this page because it was my birthday month. I literally felt compelled to create something. I don't know how exactly I got to the point where it became this site, but it did. It started growing exponentially somewhere in the 2nd week, and has evolved into something I did not expect and has opened my eyes and doors to things I did not dream possible.

*****************************************************

If you are the type given to statistics, this from:

Came to Believe

Home. Home - Came to Believe. About Recovery. (with gratitude, for my beloved AAs~). "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take. ...
cametobelieve.wetpaint.com/ - 38k - Cached - Similar pages

We rank 1st - 3rd on the internet under the search term "cametobelieve"...

From Wetpaint, the community site is viewed by people in:

Daily usage for visitors:

Visitors location depends on the day. Depending on the day, most visitors have been from California, New York, Georgia, Florida, England, Canada, Australia, and we have even had visitors from China and Singapore.

I found these stats interesting as I was told I would. Well let's see where this all goes. Until our next birthday...

Spiritual Affirmations and Meditations

owens — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 15:52:02 CDT

I am a child of a loving God;

as such, I deserve all good things.
Not some, not a little bit, but all good things.

I now move past all negative, restricting thoughts.

I release and let go of the limitations of my parents.
I love them, and I go beyond them.

I am not their negative opinion, nor their limiting beliefs.
I am not bound by any of the fears or prejudices of the current society I live in.
I no longer identify with limitations of any kind.

In my mind, I have total freedom.

I now move into a new space of consciousness, where I am willing to see myself differently.
I am willing to create new thoughts about myself and about my life.

My new thinking becomes new experiences.
I now know and affirm that

I am at one with the Prospering Power of the Universe.

As such, I now prosper in a number of ways.

The totality of possibilities lies before me.

I deserve life, a good life.

I deserve love, an abundance of love.

I deserve good health.

I deserve to live well and to prosper.

I deserve joy and happiness.

I deserve freedom to be all that I can be.

I deserve more than that, I deserve all good.

The Universe is more than willing to manifest my new beliefs. And I accept this abundant life with joy, pleasure, and gratitude. For I am deserving.

I accept it; I know it to be true.

Amen.
-----------------------------------------------

I am capable. I am able to accomplish anything with the help of my higher power.

As I surrender to the will and let go of my old preconceived notions, I feel right purpose and am imbued with a sense of direction.

As I take in a gentle breath, I feel the presence of God surrounding me. I imagine myself standing strong in this beautiful presence. I am capable and qualified to meet any challenge or activity. I know that with God's loving guidance I can do anything at all. In my mind's eye, I see myself easily and confidently making right decisions, speaking right words, and thinking positive thoughts. Daily I ask God for these things and they are given to me.

I give thanks always that God is in all ways with me. I combine these images with the feelings of joy and let them go, knowing that they will create the good things I am visualizing and thinking.

Found this surfing. It is called "I only ask of God..."

Emmett Miller has a nice guided verbal meditation here:

Serenity Prayer meditation

And there are also these:

Quotes from AA Recovery

owens — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 06:50:55 CDT

Switching from one compulsion
to another is like switching seats
on theTitanic.

Only God can turn a mess
into a message.

We aren't bad people trying to get good.
We're sick people trying to get well.

The disease is progressive.
So is recovery.

You don't have a problem.
You have a solution you don't like.

If you want what the winners have,
do what the winners do.

If you feel like taking something to feel better,
take one of the Steps.

I was living in the pollution
instead of the solution.

My life is none of my business.
I just show up every morning
and report for duty.

If you're working your own program properly,
you won't have time to work someone else's!!

My relationship isn't my problem ~ ~
and it isn't my solution.

I'd better be careful when I say I'm grateful.
Gratitude can only be expressed in deeds, not words.

If you want to see how grateful someone is, ask them to help you.
Some folks think God sets up the chairs and cleans up after the meeting.

We get a *daily* reprieve,
based on what we do *today*
for our recovery.

I was sick and tired
of the high cost
of low living.

A smooth sea never made a good sailor.

God loves me where I'm at,
but He loves me too much
to leave me there.

Meetings are an archipelago of sanity
in a lunatic sea.

I've been driven to a good attitude by being hit over the head by self-will.

You can complain about the same problem three times.
Then you'd better be in the solution.
If you have to talk to more than three people
about the same problem,
you don't want help,
you want attention.

I get lots of messages from God,
but most are in my own handwriting.

He gave his almost.

Gratitude is the hinge
upon which an abstinent life swings.

If I'm truly grateful for today,
I'm making a down payment
on tomorrow.

I don't have relationships ~
I have Close Encounters.

Not everything that is supposedly "normal"
is appealing to me.
I'd rather be stung by wasps
than play golf!!

Instead of praying "God be with me,"
I pray "God bear with me!"

God doesn't close one door
without opening a better one.

(Priceless! What a picture!)
God doesn't close one door
without opening a better one ~ ~
BUT ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
we've got to get our fingers
out of the closing door. The reason you're in
pain is because you have your fingers
in a door God is trying to close.

When in doubt , don't.

I was pole vaulting over mouse turds.

If you don't want to follow time-honored guidance,
you're welcome to shop around for an opinion.

You break bad habits by breaking bad habits.
You form good habits by forming good habits.

When you smile, your brain thinks you're happy!!

If you're going to pray, don't worry.
If you're going to worry, don't pray.

PAIN: The effort required to cling
to old ideas and old behaviors.

Don't place a question mark
where God has placed a period.

There are two kinds of people:
those seeking the truth ~
and those afraid of it .

If you don't take a chance,
you don't have one.

Hatred destroys the hater.

Stop watering the weeds!!

It's really hard for God to guide you
if you keep running out ahead of him!!

How about letting three people off the hook today?

Anger may identify a problem,
but it will never solve one.

Gossip and criticism
do not belittle the other person;
they belittle me.

Sometimes we don't get what we want.
Sometimes we don't get what we need.
Sometimes we get what we get.

I was always comparing my insides
to someone else's outsides.

A person singing her own praises
is usually singing solo -- and out of tune.

Luck is living under correct knowledge.

I was giving permanent reality
to temporary things.

I need to stick with the winners,
not with people who co-sign my bullshit.

Any day above ground is a good day.

The MIRACLE happens when we get sober.
The MAGIC happens when we apply
the principles to all our affairs.

Letting go of others
will lift my own spirit high today.

Coincidence is God's way of
remaining anonymous.

My serenity is inversely proportional
to my expectations.

Evening without angels - on spirituality

owens — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 15:09:33 CST

Evening Without Angels (the voice that is great within us) Wallace Stevens

The great interests of man:

air and light,
the joy of having a body,
the voluptuousness of looking.

Mario Rossi

Why seraphim like lutanists arranged
Above the trees?
And why the poet as
Eternal chef d'orchestre?

Air is air,
Its vacancy glitters round us everywhere.
Its sounds are not angelic syllables
But our unfashioned spirits realized
More sharply in more furious selves.

And light
That fosters seraphim and is to them
Coiffeur of halos, fecund jeweler---
Was the sun concoct for angels or for men?
Sad men made angels of the sun, and of
The moon they made their own attendant ghosts,
Which led them back to angels, after death.

Let this be clear that we are men of sun
And men of day and never of pointed night,
Men that repeat antiquest sounds of air
In an accord of repetitions.

Yet,
If we repeat, it is because the wind
Encircling us, speaks always with our speech.

Light, too, encrusts us making visible
The motions of the mind and giving form
To moodiest nothings, as, desire for day
Accomplished in the immensely flashing East,
Desire for rest, in that descending sea
Of dark, which in its very darkening
Is rest and silence spreading into sleep....

Evening, when the measure skips a beat
And then another, one by one, and all
To a seething minor swiftly modulate.

Bare night is best.
Bare earth is best.
Bare, bare,
Except for our own houses, huddled low
Beneath the arches and their spangled air,
Beneath the rhapsodies of fire and fire,

Where the voice that is in us makes a true response,
Where the voice that is great within us rises up,
As we stand gazing at the rounded moon.

RX from Dr. Bob for sobriety / serenity

owens — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 15:09:02 CST

Pictures, art, travels

owens — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 08:33:07 CDT

Thai beach	St. Augustine
Buddha (Thai)	california ocean sunset
	Southern Thai islands - boat man
San Francisco Wharf	Mendocino

roadside surf

Visit to an Art Exhibit - a Spiritual Experience

owens — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 07:53:54 CDT

We went to the exhibit of Maharama at Stanford University in Palo Alto I love her collages as they seem to incorporate dream images, archetypes, poetry, certainly beauty, classical forms as well as Eastern. And there is the "God thing" permeating them (to me). Here are some shots ... (keep in mind these are only portions of her works, which are much much larger and contain much more). I don't know which I like best, the exhibit in person or her wonderful website, This experience on-line The site draws you into meditation...

interesting quotation re spirituality

owens — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 18:16:45 CDT

"I think there's something more, but it requires a little excursion from a usual Cartesian worldview to get at.

Start with the LaoTse premise
that self and other are just two ends of an abstraction -
no more magical than left and right
or after and before.

By combining these abstractions we construe ourselves with respect to the actors and drama of our memories; we make a little story within which to understand what's happening, and we are motivated by the dramatic forces within this story.

Wisdom of the Rooms of AA

owens — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 18:13:47 CDT

"You need to spend some time with God this morning and then let your day go."

I can start my day two different ways: the way I usually do which means rushing through my morning preparing for work and thinking (or worrying) about how I'm going to control everything to get what I want, or by sitting quietly in meditation and prayer and turning my will and life over to my Higher Power.

You can imagine how the first way goes. I bitch my way through traffic, enter work defensive and resentful and am at odds with others and myself throughout the day. After work I fight my way through traffic again and arrive home exhausted and on edge. If I don't go to a meeting, I take these feelings to bed with me and wake up in an uneasy mood. This is what living in self will is like.

The second way is definitely the easier, softer way and howdifferent the same day goes when I begin it with God. By starting with prayer and meditation, I connect to God and turn my will, life and day over to His will and care. Relieved of the bondage of self, I now go about my day from the perspective of service, and suddenly my day (and life) takes on a deeper meaning. The result of this is fulfillment, serenity and true purpose. And it all begins with God. And it begins every morning by making the right choice.

"When I did my 4th step it felt as if my life was being turned upside down - but it was really being turned right side up."

I first heard this saying right when I needed it most - when I was in the middle of my 4th step and I thought I was losing my mind. I remember sitting in my Wednesday night meeting after just having done some writing on it, and I literally thought my life was coming apart. That's when someone shared this and at once I was filled with hope and thought maybe, just maybe, I'll actually survive this.

The 4th step not only shakes our very foundation, it shakes loose the crap, the shame and the secrets that weaken it. It is this sober examination of our core defects of character that cause us such an overwhelming amount of pain, and once we begin looking at our part in things it's no wonder we feel our very lives are being turned upside down.

The good news is that a thorough 4th step is actually the very thing needed to turn our lives right side up. Before my 4th step, it was all your fault, and because I couldn't control you I was the victim. But by seeing and taking responsibility for my part, which I do have control over,I can now make changes thereby giving me control and hope over my future. The 4th step indeed made me crazy at first, but then it set me free.

"If I keep doing what I was doing, I'll keep getting what I was getting."

I remember when I was new to recovery I was very willing to follow suggestions. I went to 90 in 90, and I got a home group, and I got 4 commitments, and I got a sponsor and worked the steps, etc. I did a lot and I got a lot - my life got better, I felt better, situations improved and I began to recover. Even the promises began to come true.

Now that I'm deep in recovery, I find that I'm not as active as I used to be. I still go to meetings and I have commitments, but I find I'm not doing all the things I used to do. And I've also found that I'm not getting out of the program what I used to get. When I heard this quote I immediately made the connection.

When I spoke with my sponsor about this, he reminded me that I didn't need to go out to restart my program. There are always new comers who need sponsors, meetings that need help, and I could always add a meeting or two. And the good news is that as soon as I start doing what I did, I'll start getting what I got.So if you're not feeling it these days, just think back to what you did and start doing it again.

___________________________

"The Power behind me is bigger than the problem in front of me."

Before recovery I faced life alone. It was up to me to manage all of life, to try to arrange things to get what I wanted, and to solve the problems I encountered. This was an exhausting task and at times the mere thought of my current problems, or problems unforeseen, would overwhelm me leaving me depressed and listless. "How can I keep getting up in the morning feeling this way?" was a thought I often had.

In the rooms of recovery, the first great relief I had came from the energy of the collective spirit I felt from all the people who had already recovered. Suddenly, I was no longer alone, and now I, too, had access to solutions and a new way of living and dealing with life. Most important of all, I discovered a Power Greater than myself, and I grew to trust and rely on this Power I now call God.

Today, after years of trying and relying on this Power, I have the confidence that comes from faith because I know that by relying on God's solutions to my life and problems I am always taken care of. Whenever I remember (the Real Secret) to include or turnto God for my life's answers, I am amazed and delighted by how problems melt, situations change, and my life flows like the river I peace I believe God is. Today, the Power behind me is bigger than the problems in front of me.

_____________________________________

"You're only as sick as your secrets."

When I first entered the program, I was filled with guilt and shame over some of the things I had done. When I sat in meetings and heard others share about some of their past behaviors, I was shocked by how open they were. Even more baffling was how they and everyone else could actually laugh at their dark secrets. I didn't know it then, but this was the beginning of hope and recovery for me.

"You're only as sick as your secrets," was a saying I heard early on in the program. At first there were things I swore I would and could never reveal, but after hundreds of meetings, the openness, forgiveness, and recovery of others created the safe space I needed to come clean. As I began to 'uncover, discover and discard' those parts of myself I was ashamed of, I experienced the freedom and forgiveness I needed to fully recover.

As I completed my 4th and 9th steps and cleared away the wreckage of my past, I was reborn into the new man who is sober and recovered today. Today I can laugh at myself and with others, as I understand that once we were sick, but now we are well. Moreover, I now know how my dark past is the very key needed to understand and help another. Today, I use the 10th step to guard against keeping secrets and to stay free and available to help others.

____________________________________

"After 5 years of sobriety you get your brains back, after 10 you learn how to use them, and after 15 years you realize you never needed them anyway."

What a cord of recognition this struck when I first heard it (at 10 years recovery). I remember the first 5 years and how I seemed to be in a haze in the beginning. I spent these years learning how to make sense of and deal with my feelings, my life, relationships, etc. Everything was so new to me and my focus was on recovery and learning how to live life on life's terms.

Once I passed this phase I did feel as if I had my brains back, and I began thinking and planning. What career did I want? How about a future with a family? How could I use my new clarity and focus to twist life to suit my needs and wants? If other people had things, why couldn't I get them, too? And off I went trying to arrange life to meet my expectations.

When I get centered and connected to my higher Power, though, I see clearly and simply and know that my only real purpose is to do God's work and be of service. It doesn't take a lot of brains to do that, instead it takes listening to my heart and doing what I know is right. When I'm "into action" and not "into thinking" things generally turn out for the best. I just hope I don't have to wait 15 years to accept and consistently practice that.

"Act as though until it becomes so."

What a wonderful lesson this was for me to learn early on in recovery. At first I didn't think I could make it through the day or week sober and my sponsor would tell me to "Act as if" I were going to make it. He told me to go to meetings, take commitments and to share honestly about what was going on. And don't drink between meeting, "suit up and show up" he told me.

And I did. And soon my actions became reality and I got 60 days, 90 days, then 6 months and a year. It had become so. As my life got better, I began to want other things and other areas of my life to change as well. "Act as if" my sponsor told me again. If I wanted a job in an office, he instructed me to wake up and put on a suit as I looked for work. Soon, I was wearing that suit in the new office I worked in.

As I continue to grow in awareness in recovery, I realize that "Acting as though until it becomes so" is one of the great universal spiritual truths of humanity. Books like "The Secret" and others on positive attraction explain why this is, and I know through experience that it is true. Today if I want my reality to change, I simply begin acting as if. It always works.

"Put the magnifying glass down and pick up the mirror"

Oh how I love focusing on you. If you would only stop doing this or that, or if you'd start doing this or that, then finally, maybe I'd be happy. Relieved of the responsibility of self, it is so easy to be critical, resentful and dependent on you. If you only knew what you were doing to me. If you loved me you wouldn't act this way. Don't you careabout me? These were myconstant thoughts.

When I first entered Al Anon, my sponsor told me something shocking - he told me that my happiness and well being were MY responsibility. He told me it was and always will be up to me to make my life enjoyable and safe. "But what happens when she does this?" I protested. "Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror," he told me. What I was doing to cause, contribute or in reaction to it was my only concern.

It took me a while to see the profound wisdom of this new way of thinking. Once I put the focus on me, I regained the power to influence and direct my life and happiness. If it's all about you - and I have absolutely no control over you - then I will forever be a victim. But when I do place the power and responsibility where I dohave some control - over my own life - that's when I begin to recover and regain hope. It's about the mirror, not the magnifying glass today.

" Sometimes you don't realize all you need is God until all you have is God."

Even after years in recovery and with all my sober experience, I'm still amazed by my tendency to put so many things before God. Many times I'm convinced that the new car, that perfect job, or that relationship will be the answer and that my life will finally improve and I'll be happy.

My stubborn reliance on this myth can be pretty disappointing. I've been reminded in meetings that anything I place above God will be taken from me, and given the nature of life - how all things change - this has often proved true. It's painful when this happens, but the good news is that it always leads me back to God.

The greatest gift I have today, and the one constant source of strength and hope in my life, is my relationship to my Higher Power. My Higher Power has the answers and solutions to the problems I face and has a deeper love and caring for me than I'll ever comprehend. When I'm connected to God, there are no worries, no wants and no needs. When things get stripped away, as they will, and all I'm left with is God, it's then that I remember - All I've ever needed is God.

"When I get the flu, I forget I was ever healthy."

I've heard that the "ism" in alcoholism can stand for many things, but my favorite is "incredibly short memory." In sobriety, this presents a double problem. First, having a disease that is constantly telling me I don't have it is hard enough, but because of its incredibly short memory, I often forget how bad things were. The trouble, the demoralization, the hopelessness are all forgotten when my memories are painted with the brush of alcoholism.

Second, my incredibly short memory also quickly forgets the good times I've had in sobriety and the possibilities and hope I felt even a few hours ago. An event, a mood, getting a cold, nearly anything can trigger my alcoholism and the color of my life quickly drains, leaving me in a black and barren place. With no hope, and no memory of the bad times, alcoholism has me right where it wants me.

This is why I go to meetings. In meetings I get the outside reminder of what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. I get to hear my story come out of your mouth and suddenly my memory returns - it was bad, and I belong here. I also get reminded of the hope and possibilities I have as I see and participate in the miracles of your lives. And that's when the miracle of recovery happens for me, too. Once again I am safe, I have recovery, and my memory is working perfectly.

" There are no victims, only volunteers - you always have a choice."

This was a tough lesson to learn. When I was new to Al-Anon, I was a victim to so many people and situations, that I was hoping to get some sympathy and understanding. Imagine learning that I was instead a volunteer for the drama and pain in my life. That was a large pill to swallow.

And it didn't go down easily either. After I accepted I had a choice, and actually began exercising it by not engaging or by acting differently, other people got pretty upset. They were used to me playing a certain role and grew angry and resentful as I began to take different actions.

The breakthrough came as I persevered and worked the Al-Anon program. The miracle was that as I changed and recovered, the dynamics of my relationships changed, too. Suddenly, as I took more responsibility for myself, other people took more responsibility for themselves as well. As I focused on myself and recovered, so did other people and situations improve as well. It all started when I accepted my role as a volunteer and began making different choices.

"If nothing changes, nothing changes."

In early recovery I heard someone say that "If you get a horse thief sober, all you have is a sober horse thief." I learned that the 12-step program is a program of recovery because it is a program of change. Just getting sober isn't enough. I have known many people who came into the program and stopped drinking but either delayed or didn't work the steps, and they soon found that they still had all the old problems, feelings and circumstances they had while drinking. Besides not drinking, not much had changed.

"The same man will drink again." Another saying I heard when I was new reveals yet another danger of not working the steps and so not changing. Driven and haunted by the pain of the old self, it is a short distance to the temporary relief and old solution of drinking. Once again, if nothing changes (besides not picking up a drink), nothing changes, and the same man will soon drink again.

"The only thing we have to change is everything." The miracle of the program comes as we work the steps, abandon our old ideas, and discard our old self. The big book tells us that we become "reborn" as a result of working the steps, and it is this new self that is capable of living a new life that is happy, joyous and free. The good news is that this total change is much easier than it sounds and a natural result of working the steps. Ultimately, everything changes as we change.

"A God small enough for me to understand wouldn't be large enough for me to trust."

What a stumbling block the "God" thing was for me in the beginning of my recovery. I was afraid of God and after a while rejected the whole idea outright. I mean, how could there be a God if children got cancer and wars in His name still ravaged the world? And now I was told that my very life and recovery was dependent on my ability to forge a relationship with God? What was I going to do?
The key for me was reframing the God concept as simply a power greater than myself. This put the mystery back in for me, and suddenly I didn't have to understand how God worked, and I didn't have to explain anything either. My proof of God was now clear enough - God clearly could do something that I alone couldn't do - relieve me of the desire to drink and use.
Today my concept and understanding of God doesn't get clearer, it gets more expansive. I've become more accepting of God's will, and time and time again find that things often work out for the best - despite what I initially thought. I've stopped trying to explain who or what god is and know that the infinite reality of the divine will always be beyond my finite understanding. I now know that a God small enough for me to understand wouldn't be large enough for me to trust.

"R&R stands for rest and relaxation, not rehearse and rehash."

"If only my mind would leave me alone," I often think. I have what I call a "digging mind.
" Like a dog at the beach, it digs and digs and digs in a problem, a worry, or in some other imagined potential problem area or scenario often without my approval or awareness.
It loves to uncover negative thoughts, feelings and fears, and then rehearse these ugly scenarios, or rehash problems of old.

My digging mind is not only relentless, but it is consistently negative as well. I never find that it is digging in a positive or hopeful place.

I can't recall it dwelling on or digging in the hole of getting that great job, or relationship, or winning the lotto, or of having things work out. No, driven by a hundred forms of self-centered fear, it searches the beaches of disappointment and failure, and digs away.

R&R always meant physical relaxation to me. It wasn't until I heard this saying that I thought to give my digging mind a break as well. In fact, before this saying I didn't realize how active my mind stayed when I did try to rest and relax.

Today I realize the importance of reigning in my digging mind and allowing (sometimes forcing) it to release and relax as well. Giving myself a break - a total break - provides me with the renewal and space I need to let the love and light of my Higher Power in. Today I've learned the importance of resting and relaxing my body and my mind.
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Fractals

owens — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 17:57:10 CST