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These are from An Irish Friend of Bill W.:
Q:Am I a FREAK (in my) AA program if DIFFICULT people make me angry?
A: NO.
It's PERFECTLY NORMAL to have your patience tested to its LIMITS, when we are thrown unwittingly into having to deal with DIFFICULT people.
You are NOT a freak for being angry!
It's how you DEAL with the anger that arises that 'sets you apart' in terms of our program.
Beating yourself up for simply BEING HUMAN serves no useful purpose. Compassion!
Anger has its own rhythm. You just have to let it run its course, WITHOUT ACTING OUT destructively.
Here's some stuff which is good if anger has 'arisen':
- Go scream into a bowl of water, (Quite fun actually!, even when you don't feel REMOTELY angry!!)
- Strangle a towel!
- Clean up..in a slightly ferocious manner!
- Go do some weights in the gym.
- go to a lake and throw stones into it.
I'm a BIG fan of the old 'Taoist Arch' trick when emotions run high, but that's just me.
By the way, this is NOT a license to be ANGRY ALL THE TIME, or TO THINK IT IS NORMAL TO WANT TO KILL PEOPLE.
(Yes, I have met MANY people in AA who subscribe to this view!) Jeez. Oh well..
NO that is NOT normal. If this is how you feel you have a BIG problem with anger and you are SERIOUSLY UNDERMINING your 'fit spiritual condition'. Why? Because "Resentment is the number one offender". p64
It is NOT 'ok' to act out on your anger. Why?
Because "If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink." p70
Just remember: "Restraint of tongue and pen.", "Restraint of tongue and pen.", "Restraint of tongue and pen."
Repeat it like a mantra! Until the desire to tell them what a USELESS WASTE OF SPACE THEY ARE, subsides! Heheh.
If I'm honest, the MOST powerful leveler of ANY yukky emotion is the old chestnut 'Constant thought of others' . Meaning service of some sort.
To these I would only add:
- Serenity prayer (especially when feeling the anger or in the presence of that person);
- Our prayer (paraphrased)"God this is a sick individual, what would you have me do?"
- We also have a right to approach the person. Usually we try to so one-on-one. If that does not work, we try again in the company of another sober well intentioned member of AA. Do not misunderstand this to mean ganging up on the person. It is intended as a venue to air the problem and mention (sometimes I think disclose is a better word) and experience what the program teaches us to do in regards to the problem.
- Remember there are a bunch of folks who cannot or will not bring themselves to actually try to practice the principles. They are not my concern and need not become my obsession. Acceptance is the key. I refuse to be dragged down by negative folks with dour, grim, resentful outlooks "We are not a glum lot!"
- Love and tolerance is the goal here I think.
owens |
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, Jul 3 2007, 8:54 AM EDT
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